While reading a fitness magazine I came across an article about a Personal Trainer who got his clients to write down a list of how they felt before, during, after their workout & why they actually workout in general. I thought this would be an interesting & fun thing to try myself; but do it about my workout routine during my eating disorder & about my new workout routine now I'm recovering.
I found it amazing to actually see how unhealthy my whole mindset was to exercise before as I've never sat & properly thought about the differences between now & then. So to see it written down & to compare them was a real eye opener!
Exercise During E.D
Before
- Dreading the workout
- Tired
- No energy
- Aching body
- Hating every minute
- Entire body hurts from lack of muscle/no energy
- Forcing myself to carry on as my OCD for doing 1hr 20 m every day.
- Wanting to punish myself as I was 'fat, disgusting, unworthy' etc
- Pure boredom
- Looking at other gym people & feeling jealous that they were enjoying themselves/looked better & healthier & were lifting weights when I was stuck on a treadmill for hours
- Relief the workout is over
- Then dread as I knew I'd have to repeat all over again the next day
- Numbness
- Feeling sick at the thought of having to carry on doing that 1hr 20m every day for the rest of my life.
- Wishing I could get out of my rut/routine
- Pure pain as my body literally wasting away under me
- I felt I 'needed/had' too
- Punishment to myself
- Couldn't eat if I hadn't done my 1hr 20m every morning
- Thought it was part of my life
- I'd get fat if I didn't go
- To become thinner
Before
- So mucgh energy
- Can't wait to start
- Actually wanting to go rather than feeling I 'have' too
- Love the strong feeling of lifting weights
- Having good exercise burn rather than the no energy ache before
- Enjoying every minute rather than being bored & hating it
- Seeing my muscles tensed in the mirror as I do exercises & feeling proud of them rather than seeing them as 'bulky'
- On a good workout high/pumped!
- Feeling strong & healthy
- Looking forward to my next workout
- Feeling my muscles fatiuged in a good way rather than wasting themselves away
- Ready to take on my day!
- To feel strong & healthy
- To grow lean muscle & look toned
- To actually look after my body & keep it in the best condition rather than destroying it
- So I can treat myself to lots of unhealthy, naughty treats without feeling guilty! haha
- Hitting PRs & goals
- Having something to aim for with different routines/goals rather than having the same boring routine every single day
Love
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